I am truely strong enough for this; as long as you don't leave me.


and you arent.
at least not now.
and that's all I need for now.





















On a completely seperate note...
I can't believe I'm talking to you again...
I know this will awaken old feelings, yet should that halt new ones?



I'm hanging out with Bobby and Sam tomorrow.
I'm actually excited.
I also hung out with Pat and Sami today.
It was good to see him outside of school, without that factor around.


Going to a funeral on Saturday, on Sunday Twilight with Dean, Mom, Alyssa, and Brother. Maybe Dean's mom as well....

I just joined this community and though I would share the photos I took at the shows I went to. Some of you have probably seen these already, but if not, well, I hope you enjoy! These mean a lot to me.

( Links and photos )

Here's my Montreal report. The Toronto one will come later in the week when I have time. I hate college, so much.

sinful-tongue.livejournal.com/56595.html

I remember how last week I completely freaked out, sobbing and whatnot.
I know why.
I saw this coming, my subconscious did.
I know it.

It saw this coming... and I should have avoided it.
I just don't know how.









That stupid hole is back in my chest.
It feels bigger than before.
Patrick has been both my Edward and my Jake.
He's broken me, put me back together, broken again, fixed again.
So he has double the stitches.
So naturally...double the pain for one heart.
It's a lot to take in.
In the manner of five days...

I'm coping though...at least i'm trying to.
I'm strong enough for this...I hope.

Well Kayde get all of your tears out now.
you have many days ahead of faking emotions.




































welcome back emptiness.
how i haven't missed you so.




fuck this.

The worst part about knowing you did SOMETHING wrong in the universe to deserve being this depressed, to have all you love constantly fade away...


is not knowing what you did.

I must have done SOMETHING to deserve this.
ugh.
i hate this.




































I need you, my one TRUE friend.
I need you so much it scares me.
I know i'm losing you...all I want to know now is why?

Since lj's going the server changing tomorrow I wanted to make an update entry since I haven't posted since Nov.8. -__-;; Bad Sarah!

Oh, well new release entry coming sometime on Wednesday. I was waiting for my copies of LOVE's and Bahashishi's new singles before I posted it.

Sooooooooooo, how is everyone doing?

Self-pimpage: CDs for sale! XD

I am feeling very excited for next semester... even though so far nothing has gone through like I planned. I fail with the tim thing, and I fail at mostly every other thing like that that I've tried to make happen...
But I don't care.
Sometimes I watch commercials [really!] and I wonder if the voice-over person had a life like mine, where they never had a legitament relationship. And then I think they have to, at least when they are older, so maybe boys will like me when I get older... or they get older.
I doubt it though, unless I dramatically lose 20 lbs or something lowl. Which won't happen, because that doesn't happen in real life.

Anyway. Second semester looks so fun.
I got it fixed this afternoon, and my councler loves burnt popcorn. She was walking around with a chalk bucket with some in there. She offered me some and now she knows she's not the only one who LOVES burnt popcorn :]
She said she's happy that the thing with my mom and I got worked out. I said I am, too.
Sociology 1st period [just like psychology this semester].
Personal Finance second period [thank god, I really need a class like this, I hope it's not too much a burdon, though.]
Nothing 3rd period right now, but tomorrow I'm going to ask Ms. P if I can be a TA that period for her... she has beginning drama for that period so I hope hope hope she says yes!
Fourth I have American Gov't... which is a hell of a class. Everyone always has soo much homework in that class.
Thankfully, the reason I went in there was avenged. I have aerobics 5th period, so I can graduate [if I pass it AHAH].
6th and 7th don't change. I'm thankful for that. I love Mr. Barkley... and Geometry is getting mildly harder so I'm excited for it to be a year long.

I'm dropping graphic art because it is soo hard, and Mrs. Cole hates me.
Cece said that's hilarious, because she likes me.
It's weird. Her and her mom are a lot alike, but completely different.

Cece asked me if I wanted to go to her apartement on Friday for her birthday. I feel a little [a lot... I won't lie] honored, because she likes so many people that I feel really lucky to be one of those people.
She had so many bruises on her body today, it's pretty hilarious because she got them from her job, falling through the top of a car [yes, seriously] and falling down the stairs. She said it's because she's not good around people. That's really funny.
My hair is the same color as hers, and she said she's going to get her hair cut this week... so I told her we are going to match, except my bangs are black. It's going to be hilarious.
I'm so glad she's not like I am and gets angry and disowns people who copy her... evne though I'm not really trying to copy her... I just think she is so fucking cool that if I pretended to be as cool as her people might like me.

Saturday, Lizi asked me if I would go with her to her mindseizure thingy.
To go to that [and Cece's birthday party thingy] I will have to not go with my family and Lucy skiing.
I don't really want to go.
My dad really wants me to go, but he keeps saying I don't have to.

I think we are going to New Mexico for thanksgiving.
I want to hang out with TiffanyDavis, though.

I keep thinking about Erik, and everyone reminds me of him.

I wish Boulder would accept me right away... but I don't think they will.
They will accept Jullia for sure. My gpa should get higher since I have all a's and b's right now.
I hope it gets acceptable enough for Boulder.

I'm pretty bummed the play is over. It was sososososoos fun and I can't remember laughing that hard in a long, long time. I can still remember things they said that made me laugh and thinking about them makes me laugh. I'm glad I did makeup for the play... evne though I'm pretty positive for the next play Piper is going to call dibs on tim, even though I should have dibs since I already know where his [insanely high insanely unneccesarily high] cheekbones are.



Oh well.
College.
That's what I'm waiting for.
Hopefully some boy will find me mildly attractive in any way.
It'd be nice.

Half of the time it was hard to take pictures, but I managed to get four of Kyo, and some screen shots from the videos I took.

( Cut. )

My live report for NYC can be found here

I see a few NYC reports have been posted already, but I figure I would throw mine out there as well:

OVER HERE!

It was my first Diru show, and I'm not exactly the most hardcore fan, so I guess this is almost an outsiders view of the concert? xD;
When my friend uploads the pictures/videos from her camera, those will be added to my post as well. (Hopefully later today.)

my report is going to be open for a couple days like last time.
Dir en grey at Terminal 5 in Manhattan 11/14/08 fri.

read it here :D

i've x-posted so sorry if this is spamming your flist D:

I wanna be sure I have it right before I type up my concert report. Alas, I was so intoxicated by the performance that I only know which songs they played and not in which order. :C

All I have so far is:

SA BIR
Obscure
AGITATED SCREAMS OF MAGGOTS

... and then it goes blank. Dx

Any help would be greatly appreciated~!

NYC Live Report
Terminal 5 - November 14th, 2008

I have to say that was the best show I've ever been to. They blew my mind and all the stuff that happened that night I will never forget.

Click Here For Report

There has been a little debate about the meet-and-greet/signing. I come back from the concert in New York with some confirmation.

You need to have a copy of UROBOROS to participate in the signing. It doesn't matter when or where you get it. However, if it's already signed (on the cover; they only look there) you'll be kicked out of the line.

You are only allowed to get UROBOROS signed. I know because I tried to get my Limited Edition Kisou booklet signed and Toshiya seemed pleased, but just as he was about to write on it Nora barked something at him in Japanese and said to me, "new CD only." However, outside I met this guy who apparently got away with having Kyo sign a card from the second poem book. So basically you're only supposed to get UROBOROS signed but if you're sneaky you might be able to get something else too.

You can give them gifts at the signing. My friend tried to give Kyo a drawing and she said a security guy took it from her and put it on a chair behind them. Obviously I can't be sure if the members actually got to the gifts but I assume they did.

Keep in mind that I came to these conclusions from only one concert's signing. Your results may vary.

Feel free to ask any other questions you have and I'll try to answer them to the best of my abilities.

Eight days left! At least at the time of this post. Don't worry, it'll only count down from there!
So, anyway... What's gonna happen?

Is anybody planning to line up? I ask because it seems that the venue is too small to bother lining up for it.

Also, when's a good time to line up anyway? I won't even be there until around 2PM. I ask about that one because me and my girlfriend and I have to take the train from Kansas City, get to our hotel and then get a taxi to Pops.

One last issue... Does anybody think that the people running the venue would let people bring a camera like an SLR in? I don't want to bring my camera only to find out I can't bring it in.

For those of you going to the show at the Wiltern, what time are you planning to line up?  I want to meet people since I'm going alone, and we all know that the line is the best place to mingle.  Shall we organize some sort of meet-up?  I think like one or two people responded to my last post where I asked who is planning to go, but I'm sure there are more of you out there.

Also, kind of strange tangent here, but what is the weather like in LA at the end of November?