I spit A-c-iD.

[w32]

2009-10-22T06:15:54Z

Paranoid.

My mind is racing
it's pacing
it's on the fucking fritz.
Filled with what if's
and maybe's
and who knows.
And then there's that one thought that keeps buzzing through,
Has that damn dirty little bitch been backstabbing me this whole time?
Is she the one in my head?
Pulling and pushing me to think different things.
She's the one pulling the fucking strings,
I know it.
I just fucking know it.

I'm paranoid.
I'm on the edge.
I have a razor blade in the barrel of a gun
it's just not making sense.
I'm not making sense.
Nothing is fucking making sense anymore
The only thing that remotely calms me down
is the thought that maybe,
just maybe....
There I go again.
It's a cycle.
Make. It. Stop.
I'm practically begging now.

God, I hate this feeling
and everything associated with it.
Are you listening to me up there?
God?
Hey.
I've been confessing my displeasure to you for days now.
Have you gotten the memo?
Why aren't you responding?
Can you process this one a little faster?
Please?
I know I don't ask for much,
but this one is driving me nuts.
God.
I hate this.

Can you just shut me up?
Can you just shut that little voice up?
Can you just fucking stop this little game?
I'm sick of it to the point of even physical exhaustion.
Emotional exhaustion happened days ago,
don't worry.
I think I just want to say that I'm done.
I think I just wanted to get this off my chest.
Maybe it'll help me concentrate for a minute or three.
But I doubt it.

-----------------------
I wrote this and it sounds more like a rant
but it has some poetic qualities that I like.
I don't think it'll go in Operation Zero though.

Comments welcome [and wanted].

[w30]

2009-09-08T06:39:57Z

I'm lying to you.

And you.
And you.
And me.

But I've never had trouble pretending,
I'm just too tired to keep this up.
I've become as blind as you.

I want to be rid of you.
The road is too long for me.
The journey is too treacherous.
I can't go.
But you won't let me stay,
would you?

I only wish I knew what you were made of
since you're so indestructible and strong.
I wish I could show you what's inside of me.
Maybe then you'd understand.

You'll just ignore it and wrap me up
like a pretty little package with a pretty little bow
and take me everywhere you will be.
Even though I want to stay in this one place forever.
I never want...

You just break me down and crush me.
Push me out and then squash me.
It's as if you think I can be melted
and remolded at any time to fit you better.
Remade and reborn again and again.
But I can't
and it's tearing you down.
I know you'll never be proud of me.

Why won't you just admit that this was a mistake?
This is your greatest mistake.
Then maybe
and all this pain
and all this hate
and all this sorrow
will simply disappear.

You'll never be satisfied with me.
And I know you'll never want me,
but then again you'll never leave me.
Just finish this and reshape me into what you want
what you truly want this time.
I'm ready to become the plastic man.

------------------------------------------
I don't know.
It's crap.

[w27] Skin.

2009-05-10T08:49:54Z

On my desktop forever.
I think this is just to get my mind of Harlequin Desire.
I'll never finish that one.
]:

It's kind of all over the place to me.
Lemme alone.

Comments WANTED.
Critique [very] welcome
--------------------------
Skin

Let me see the space under your skin
The secrets that you’re hiding deep in there
I know you don't want to show me your flaws and faults,
but I don't care.
I want to see you,
I want to know you,
I want to hear your secrets.

I want to know them all.

Why should you live unknown?
The rest of our lives are plastered against our front doors
and in the gossip columns of magazines.
No one else has secrets,

Why. Should. You?

You only live once,
and this is your last one—
last chance.
You won't ever get the oppurtunity to let yourself be known.
And it doesn’t get much better than this.
There’s no where else to run,
there’s no other high higher than this.

Tip.
Top.
Tip.

Everyday the people of the world
think of new and exciting ways to
kill one another.
Gotta keep running while you still can.
Gotta kill yourself before they do.
Gotta come up with something more exhilarating before they catch up to you,
you don’t want to know what would happen if they caught you.

Chew you up
and spit you out.

There's nothing in this world that we can count on...
We only assume that we'll wake up in the morning,
that we'll live to see the next day.
Who knows what will happen then.
We could live to see the dawn of a new day,
only to be shot the moment we step out of bed.

It's a cruel world out there, sweetie.
Wouldn't want you caught up in it.

You know. . .
There are people out there who are purely disgusting—
they take pleasure in your pain,
in causing your pain,
in watching you writhe.
Then they’ll proceed in hurting themselves
and nobody knows why they do it…
I think we’re afraid to know why
because then we’d end up doing the same.
I know I probably would.
You would too.

Yes.
You would.
Shutthefuckup.

It’s hard enough to walk on our own these days
we’re so heavily influenced by everyone else around us.
I know you’re not strong enough to make it on your own.
I'm only trying to protect you--
to keep you safe from the unknown.
I'm trying to save your life
but you won't even let me in it for one second.

Maybe I don't even want to understand you.

Keep your secrets locked up tight
and keep your skin covered.
One day I'll have you,
I'll see who you are.
I'll taste your flaws.
I'll hear your dark whispers.
But for now,
let's play under our skin,
let's just do something we'll later regret.

Let's go
make our
own secrets
to keep and hide.

[w19] This is MAJOR.

2008-11-25T02:40:45Z

My first completed piece that I've done outside of class in MONTHS!
I've been working on this for probably close to a year now.
It was going to be a series, but I've decided against that.
____________________________________________________________________________

Forbidden
11/24/08

There’s nothing that can escape from the ones
with spiders in their veins
and bats in their brains.
Once you’re apart of their plot,
you’d never escape without at least being torn in two.
Two, so they may share your broken remains.
But as of now,
They are almost one entity--
one being.
Acting out together,
speaking with each other,
knowing the others most intimate thoughts.
This was just a love so sweet that none could compare.
Nothing could break it
and no one would ever know of it.

It’s same story as any other forbidden love.
Separated for day and yet always together by night,
no matter how far they really are.
They encircle each other in unison
revolving around one another in harmony
as like the sun and earth.
It’s just another fairytale.

The sun dips down below the horizon
and the sky dims down to darkness.
The stars flutter to life quietly.
They are the only ones who know of this great ordeal,
and only stars know how to keep secrets from the world.
Everything else is a gossiping little whore,
but the stars are silent and beautiful.
Silent and understanding as they watch one
sneak and creep to the other.
But it’s not like they can always foresee the troubles ahead,
they cannot warn of broken hearts and empty eyes.

As time stretches out,
the lovers are strained.
It’s a tiring battle to stay so close when they are really so far.
With blood red skies guarding,
and blacked earth separating,
it’s almost impossible to go without a fight.

Fear creeps as the distance sets in.
The silence is fierce
deadly even,
tearing fragile hearts apart in its wake.
Slowly fear becomes shear terror
and want evolves to need.

The clock keeps ticking,
like a reminder of what’s to happen.
As if a bomb is clicking and counting down the end.
As if the bomb will go off soon
and only destruction and sorrow will lie in it’s wake.
The clocks are in sync,
tearing them apart with each subtle click.
The clocks have been planning this from the beginning,
It’s one giant conspiracy the world is in on,
and all the stars can do is watch.
Helpless.

Soon there’s hardly a whisper between the two.
Time stands still in the wake of this new silence,
in awe of their accomplishment.
The loves of two gentle hearts are splintering.
With one simple push—
a flick of the wrist,
and gasp of a breath—
the clock moves again
and their worlds shatter.
It’s only the breakup,
it’s only the heartbreak,
the truth is sickening.

As they encircle each other in pure bliss one last time,
it’s the secrets that one holds close that drives the nail into the other.
Her mind craves the answers
needs to feed off of the truth,
but the partner to this dance will stop at nothing
won’t stop until not one breath can escape from her lungs.
It’s nauseating the kind of tortures the partner will conjure
just to make sure that she would never ask of them again.
All those years the two of them have trapped others in their webs,
the conspirators finally know who was the brains of it all.
And even though it’s their doing that is causing this undoing,
they can’t even begin to stop it.
The horror,
the sickness of it all.

And the stars watch in hatred to those who have driven them apart,
they too are useless to aid either side.
These purities hang in the sky by invisible strings
and weep as one is beaten and broken and hanged.
Then there’s only the rotten smell of heartbreak.
The partner heads back to her lovely abode,
as the victim drowns herself in tears.

As the stars shine out one-by- one
the guardian bloodsky flickers to life only to see that
one is gone and one remains.
And it has failed to protect this disaster.

[w06] Crisp [Sanitarium]

2008-01-12T08:41:57Z

Crisp -
Adjective -

Clean-cut, neat, and well-pressed; well-groomed.
bracing; invigorating

Sanitarium -
Noun -

An institution for the preservation or recovery of health, esp. for convalescence; health resort.

Crisp [Sanitarium]
1/12/08

Walking in through the iron gates that read “hospital”
you know that there’s something more to this story.
Just through the campus you realize,
this is where they toss the unwanted;
the sign is a lie.

Stepping through the hallways you see
the nurses who don’t care
and the doctors that are too drunk to diagnose.
The patients are left unattended in their rooms,
some screaming,
some eerily silent and staring,
and some that even lay in their own filth—probably dead.

All you want is to get your review done
so you can get the hell out of here
and crawl in your nice and safe bed.
Away from the sterile environments
and the creepy men in white-coats.
You intend to forget about them soon as you’re across the threshold...
But you didn’t expect the only one sane to be the one you talk to.
You didn’t expect the story be told in its entirety.

It’s always the truth that they keep
out of the story books and newspapers.

“We’re living in a nightmare
and always expecting to wakeup somewhere else.
Why do you think some of us look around with disinterest
or why the girls pinch themselves while crying:
“IT’S A DREAM A DREAM!”

It’s like they tied razor wire to our teeth as soon as we enter
so no one can talk.
Nobody speaks anymore,
it all sounds like the stereotypical psychobabble.
All we can do is scream,
and shriek,
and cry,
and yell at the top of our lungs and pray our tongues don’t touch the wire that rips us to pieces.
We didn’t come here looking ragged and acting insane.
I swear it.

There are no crowds within these walls.
It's just a place filled with emotionless people and silent sounds,
violent sounds,
and insolent sounds that all seem filled with
torturous and murderous intent…

But that’s only because nobody knows how to calm down the schizos.

The poor suicidal princesses sit in their rooms all day
pressing their faces into saran wrapped mattresses,
fogging it up and rendering them breathless.
But breathing through the plastic is not such a simple task,
their lungs soon ache for oxygen, forcing them to pull away.
They scream and cry for the medication and attention no one gives them.

“Is there no escape?”

The ones who sit in the corners need more help than any of us.
They worry about who’s going to come after them next,
what poisons are floating in the air,
where they’re going to die, or when and how…

Poor little paranoids…

Some are simply as frail as a feather—
I mean, one good gust could knock them over.
I guess that’s why they stay inside their cells all day
and why they’re suddenly as white as ghosts.

Because there’s nothing but bone in their bodies
and ugly demons in their heads.

There are others who’ve cracked beyond repair.
Mumbling about plagues under their breath
and everlasting fires burning.
Nobody pays mind to their blubbering,
but I secretly think they’re predicting the future.

They say the insane can do that.

My personal favorites are those who shake and shiver
violently and constantly with no draft or chill.
Always whining and crying and aching,
yet there’s no marks on them
only the scars on their noses
or the holes in their arms.

And then a junkie without his fix
is the same as a girl off her meds.

Sadly, the best part about this haven
isn’t watching the patients for amusement.
It’s really what only the walls are meant to see,
and since they betray their keepers, we know it all;
even if the subject is never around to tell about it.

Things such as:
Clinical Abortions,
Lethal injections,
Cold steel on tender fleshes.
That bloom reds on peaches.
With knives.
Scattered.
Everywhere.

White-coats pushing patients to limits.
Against the walls.
Pushed into,
pulling through.
And there’s nothing we can do to fight them
Yelling is ignored,
confused with the babble.
Tears are nothing,
Saline is just another chemical here

But everything surrounds us,
like sewage from the sick minds.
Contaminating our own.
Embracing our sanity.
Fucking destroying what little hope we had.
Making peaches into grays.
With glass.
Shattered.
Everywhere.
Hidden behind closed doors and
blocked from eyes by white walls.

It's a fucking asylum of masturbatory fashions.
The best of the best,
the sickest of the vile,
the worst imaginable minds that we never cared for.
First we’ll think our savior has come
then we'll cast you away screaming in your face--

Away you fucking rot!”

This is where the wardens always pull them away.
This is the moment the guest always needs to leave.
This is why we keep them locked up, they’ll tell you.

Horrified and revolted you exit the “hospital”
through the foreboding iron gates.
This is where they belong.
This is the moment you vow it’s right.
This is why they’re away from the world.

And unbeknown to you,
but always seen by the walls
and heard by the patients,
another sin is committed inside these halls
While the nurses just laugh
and the white coats get their thrills in.
Your little host is sedated and pushed into the walls
and the steel blades come from the doctors hands.

I’ll go back to pretending I’m crazy
I won’t tell another soul the real story.
Just please
make the crazy white-coats disappear.
Dear walls, try to listen well
be sure this tale gets back to the others.

acidrazzberrie @ 2007-12-01T02:10:00

2007-12-01T09:11:23Z

I'll add whoever.
Just comment here before you add me?
Thanks.

[01]Starting fresh.

2007-11-29T04:29:02Z

Brand new.
Clean slate.

Because it feels good.